Things to Consider As You Plan Your Family
No matter your beliefs or your upbringing you will need to at least give some consideration to what your family will look like. Even if you’ve already had kids or not…being intentional is a life long skill.
What will your family look like in the decades to come?
Do you want children?
Do you want to live near family? (It really helps to have family close if you have children).
Do you want to travel abroad?
Where would you like to vacation?
What traditions will you keep as a family?
What traditions will you change?
Do you want your children to behave like you do? (If the answer is no then consider what in your life needs amending and act on it.)
That leads me to the next point….
Reflect on Your Values
This doesn’t have to be spiritual in nature although it often is. Start with yourself. Who are you now and who are you becoming? What kind of character traits do you value?
Do you like the person you’re becoming? If the answer is yes then ask yourself “why”. If the answer is no then begin making changes.
There was a client recently who complained of being 95 pounds over weight. He was depressed and struggling with his self-esteem. He and his wife wanted children but they were struggling. He was afraid that he wouldn’t be around long enough to see his children grow up.
This made him incredibly sad. But when he was sad he would frequent a popular buffet known for its all-you-can-eat situation.
Dawning his comfiest drawstring sweats prepared to stuff his feelings with blueberry cobbler and anything fried when he finally saw it.
It was this day in particular that it became clear to him as he looked around at the families dining around him. Everyone was overweight just like he was. Something needed to change.
He was re-evaluating what mattered most to him. He wanted to emphasize eating healthy and exercise so he could live a long life and enjoy the time he has here.
The way he did it was hiring a personal trainer to teach him new habits and keep him accountable.
The same applies to your marriage and relationship. That’s why people hire us….to help them make sure their marriage, family, and mental health survive the long haul. SCHEDULE AN APPOINTMENT HERE.
2 Big Take Aways
Make changes for yourself but also consider your children. They absorb everything in their environment like a sponge. The way parents eat, the things they say, the mindset, and habits they form are passed on to little children.
This is the beauty of becoming a parent. Our children make us into better humans. If we’re wise they’ll cause us to reflect on who we are becoming and choose to become better than the day before. One day at a time.
2. Who are you surrounding yourself with? People who are the same path? Do you like the path you’re on? It’s not too late to change it. But there is a catch.
One day you will die. At that point, you probably won’t have anymore control over what you do. So you don’t have unlimited time to amend your life. Do it now.
The Fertility Options No One Talks About…
I remember planning my wedding and thinking about what we were going to do once we got married and began having sex - yes we waited to have sex until we were married. We dated 1 year and 6 months before our wedding day.
So I went down to the health department and asked what my options were. They have me the pill. When I asked if this was the only option the nurse looked at me like I was from another planet…of course it’s the option you have.
And that was it.
Doctors are usually not aware of all the fertility options available. They are aware of the birth control pill and then people who don’t take the pill. Those “off pill” people, in their opinion, are ignorant of the facts and are reckless.
But they don’t know or understand that there is a world of natural family planning options available to you. And they are just as effective as the pill. Except without the class A carcinogens.
“Hormonal contraceptives and hormone replacement therapies are classified as carcinogenic to humans (group 1) by the International Agency for Research on Cancer (Grevers et al, 2016).”
You don’t have to be spiritual to know that hormones altar the body and can be very bad for you.
People eat organic, grass-fed, hormone free meat but forget that hormones in the pill are just as harmful to us.
So consider a natural hormone-free approach. If it’s not good for cattle it’s not good for us.
There are 3 that I have used and they are:
Billings Ovulation Method
I started with Billings and did not do well with it. When I first began with NFP I thought Billings was the only option. No. You have options. Billings is okay for people who are regular but I was not at the time.
Turns out the pill was suppressing the growth of a fibroid tumor which was causing infertility. Once that was taken out I was more regular.
If you find yourself becoming frustrated and discouraged with a method like I was give another method a try!
Marquette
When I found Marquette I was able to really learn about my body. I found patterns and began to detect problems super early on.
I could tell when I was releasing an egg or when I wasn’t and my hormones were out of wack. I could talk to my doctor well before anything cancerous had a chance to grow. Even before any tests could tell me something wasn’t right.
Then I was able to fix the hormone imbalance with food instead of pill. I used Haley Pomroy’s The Burn to eat my way to hormonal balance.
Here’s How It Works:
The way it works is you buy a monitor called the Clear Blue Monitor. You can find that HERE.
You pee on the test strip when the monitor alerts you to right at the end of your period. You can find those HERE. When you insert the test stick into the monitor it will give you a reading of Low, High, or Peak. It’s looking for a latinizing hormone surge that is an indicator that you will be ovulating soon.
The box usually comes with 30 days worth of sticks but once you hit the second peak day on your monitor you can stop using the monitor until the end of your next period. So very often the 30 day supply lasts me nearly 3 months.
If you’re wanting to achieve a pregnancy have sex during your peak. If you want to hold off on having children don’t have sex during the 2 day peak (and any day that reads “high” on the monitor - fyi the monitor will read “high” for three days past your second peak day for good measure).
It’s that simple.
Sympto-Thermal
Even though Brad and I use Marquette I also use parts of Sympto-thermal. Marquette made it possible to understand my body and recognize the changing symptoms.
Sympto-thermal (and a little Billings although I don’t like to admit it) has helped me to put words to what I am seeing down below.
How effective is NFP really?
Check out THIS ARTICLE and here’s a direct quote:
“If a couple uses the Sympto-Thermal Method perfectly, it is 99.4-99.6% effective in avoiding pregnancy (98-99% effective with typical use).
That is, with typical use of the method over one year, less than 2 pregnancies occur per 100 women.
1,2 This is as good as long acting hormonal contraceptives (IUDs, Depo-Provera injections) and better than the pill or condoms.
3 To use STM correctly, couples need to learn from trained instructors and be sure to follow all of the simple instructions.”
You will find similar stats for Marquette and possibly Billings as well.
Here’s the STATS according to this source on Marquette:
“Here are the results of those studies:
Regular cycles – 98.4% effective in perfect use, 98% effective in typical use
Breastfeeding women – 98% effective in perfect use, 92% effective in typical use”
Also check out this study. CLICK HERE
Resources
Grevers, X., Grundy, A., Poirier, A. E., Khandwala, F., Feldman, M., Friedenreich, C. M., & Brenner, D. R. (2016). Cancer incidence attributable to the use of oral contraceptives and hormone therapy in Alberta in 2012. CMAJ open, 4(4), E754–E759. https://doi.org/10.9778/cmajo.20160046
https://www.marquette.edu/nursing/natural-family-planning-model.php
