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The More I Reach The Further I Feel

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Maybe you fight, maybe you don't....

Maybe you just don't feel close and the more you try to reach for your partner the further you seem to feel.

You walk on egg shells trying not to start another fight. But it's inevitable. All you have to do is make one wrong move and a terrible argument ignites.

You can't even mention the smallest thing without everything spiraling down to reminders of years of failings.

Now you’re wondering how to fix things. What can be done for your relationship when it feels like you’ve tried everything?

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How Does Abuse and Emotional Neglect Make Someone An Avoider?

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How Does Abuse and Emotional Neglect Make Someone An Avoider?

Understanding the Avoider’s Past So You Can Gain New Ways To Interact That Help You Break Out Of Old Ruts

We’ve talked a lot about what makes someone an avoider in previous articles on our website here and here.  We also explain more about why it matters and in different contexts.  But there are some other areas I want to dive deep into because they also play a huge role in your marriage. 

There are several things that can make someone grow up to become an Avoider. In this post we’re focusing on the aspects of your spouse’s past that make them an avoider.

There are several things that contribute to that from their past that we’ll get to in a moment. I don’t want to ignore the things that are happening now in your relationship that might cause them to avoid, that’s the the topic of another article you can find here. 

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How To Reconnect With Your Family When You Travel For Work Or You’re In The Military

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How To Reconnect With Your Family When You Travel For Work Or You’re In The Military

This post is written in a frank and direct tone.  But I want you to know that it is because of the love I have for you and your family.  Most of all, your kids, whom I know you love deeply....I know you might be thinking “wait don’t you do marriage counseling? Wouldn’t it be my marriage you’d care the most about?”  

You bet I’m thinking of your marriage too.  But we’re constantly thinking about future marriages.  While these tips will transform your marriage in many ways...if you take this advice...it will also release something in your children that will cause generations of transformed relationships.  It transcends far beyond you or me or even things we can see.  You change thousands of lives by your choice to make these little changes. 

I am tired of seeing my dear friends missing these incredibly important and crucial details.  So I am writing this for you, the internet, as well as my dearest and most beloved friends who have to travel for a living to support their families or who are serving our great country in the military.  

I hope as you read this you hear my desperation for you.  If you saw a burning building and you knew someone was inside suffering wouldn’t you run in to save them?  Yes you would because that’s the type of person you are.  I am that person too.  This post is the water meant to quench the flames you can’t see, but you can feel.  Every time you want to get close but you can’t.  Enough with the small talk and butterfly kisses.  Let’s get on with it. 

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Why You're Really Stuck And Unable To Heal After The Affair

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Why You're Really Stuck And Unable To Heal After The Affair

Right now, if you’re reading this, you are looking for something, anything, to heal yourself…and maybe your marriage…from broken trust.  For most of you the trust was violated because of infidelity.  

You’ve tried what feels like everything.  Your inbox is likely flooded with tons of advice e-mails and sifting through that alone can feel like a stressful event all by itself.  

But this is all you need.  Right here.  You don’t need to look any further.  We take everything helpful that’s ever been published or thought of and we’ve condensed it to make it manageable and easy to follow.

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Struggling with Anger? Check Out this Great Read!

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This is such a great book that has changed so many lives and really helps those of us who struggle with anger.  

Do yourself a favor and check it out. You won't be sorry! Get "The Anger Management Sourcebook" by Glenn Schiraldi today!

If you read it and like it send us a message letting us know how you were helped.

Cheers!

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The Cause of Most Fights in Marriage - and it's Not Money!

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It is a commonly thought that the number one thing couples fight about is money. That is simply not the case. Although money is a point of stress it is not the biggest issue facing couples. The number one issue that causes the most trouble in marriage is actually a lack of feeling close. Here are 10 other more common problems a marriage faces...

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Do You Have The 3rd Sign that Divorce is Near In Your Relationship?

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This is sign to end all signs, this warning sign is so bad that marriage researchers just by spotting this warning sign can predict divorce with 94% accuracy. The end is only near if there is no intervention like marriage counseling.

The sign is CONTEMPT.

To be contemptuous is to put someone down, and to take a higher plan i.e. taking a higher moral ground. It's a position that says, "I am better, smarter, kinder/etc than you are." It can be accompanied by a belligerent attitude. When contempt is present in a relationship it is accompanied by a negative habit of mind where the wife scans the environment for her husbands mistakes rather than for what is positive or what she can appreciate. Now there is a cross-cultural universal facial expression of contempt: a lateral pull of the left lip corner to the side creating a dimple on the left side. 

Solution?

Create a CULTURE OF APPRECIATION! Be thankful! 

Key ways to do this is to communicate to your partner what you like and love about them on a regular basis. It is more meaningful when it is done unexpectedly and in small ways, but done everyday. Let them know you are thankful for: being with them, knowing them, and what they do for you. Remember marriage counseling can help you avoid divorcing and help you rebuild your marriage. 

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2nd Sign that Divorce is Near!

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The next sign that you maybe in a troubled marriage is DEFENSIVENESS. The end is only near if there is no intervention like marriage counseling.  

Defensiveness follows criticism in the dysfunctional pattern of marital communication. What causes someone to feel defensive in a marital discussion is being criticized by their partner. When someone is criticized they are not thinking about what role they had in creating a problem but they are naturally thinking about how they are right and the criticizer is wrong. So defensiveness actually results in the defensive partner to criticize to show how "right" they are. It creates more criticism and causes nothing to be  resolved in your marriage. 

Solution?

When you are criticized accepted responsibility for your part in the situation, even if it is a minor role. If you don't the cycle of criticism and defensiveness will play out in your marriage and cause you to grow apart. Marriage counseling can help your marriage. 

 

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1st Sign that Divorce is Near!

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1st Sign that Divorce is Near!

Marriage researchers have identified four characteristics of relationships that are almost over. They are so important they have been labeled the “4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse.” Because in the Bible the 4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse appear when the end is near. The end is only near if...

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What Causes Dysfunctional Relationships?

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July 22nd, 2011
Myths about What Causes Dysfunctional Relationships/Marriages Marriage Counseling Tulsa
I want to burst some bubbles about what causes Dysfunctional Relationships/Marriages or what causes Divorce. They are:
1. “Affairs are the Major Cause of Divorce.” Actually the major cause of divorce (80%) of the time is that people become distant and drift apart. This is because the couple failed to maintain there intimacy and friendship over time. Most affairs aren’t about sex, but about friendship that leads to sex. The cheating partner found someone who offers friendship and affection. 
2. “Score Keeping is Okay.” No it is NOT. Thinking that says, “I did this for this person and it never got reciprocated.” Will lead to more trouble and it is in fact a sign that your relationship is in trouble. Happy relationships don’t have “emotional accountants.” 
3. “Dominance Structures in Relationships are Dysfunctional.” Not so fast according to recent research. Research has shown that there is more conflict when people must work out who is in charge of each thing in contrast to when there are gender lines on who does what. Structures in social groups are designed to minimize conflict. Here is what makes “Dominant Relationships” work: both people in the relationship feel like they are being treating fairly and each partner’s emotional needs are being met. 
Remember: marriage counseling can improve your marriage. 

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