Anger Gives Power Away
Sometimes it helps to realize that problem anger does not gain us the power, control, respect, or the love we want. It only makes us more powerless by placing our peace in the hands of someone or something else. It drives people away. In short, we put ourselves in the powerless victim role. We give the power away when we get angry.
You might ask yourself:
“Will anger further my cause?”
“Will I make me miserable in the long run?”
“Am I spending ten dollars on every nickel-and-dime problem?”
“Is it possible to let go a bit and not try to control so much?”
“Maybe the world won’t end if I don’t get my way, if I am not 100 percent efficient, or if someone dislikes me.”
The Exciting Truth!!!
You may be thinking, if anger is so destructive then why do we still get so angry? Believe it or not anger is a habit that feels justified and has many apparent, immediate rewards. If there was no reward then we would naturally stop being angry. If anger worked in the past, it might be hard to give it up or reduce it.
If anger is habitual than we can choose to be angry or not to be angry! The cool thing is all we need to do is pick up new habits that combat anger. I will talk a lot about compassion and empathy in these posts because compassion and empathy are the antidotes for anger. It is compassion for yourself and for others and really trying to understand the feelings and points of view of those who hurt you.
You will be amazed at how you will begin to take power back from the situation by being able to remain cool, calm, and collected even in the midst of what normally causes you a great amount of anger. In posts to come I will dive deeper into ways to stay calm in
Try This:
Here is a helpful exercise to help weigh the costs and benefits of anger. On a sheet of paper list the advantages and disadvantages of anger while visualizing the short and long-term effects of anger on yourself and the consequences to others. Imagine their feelings when exposed to your anger.
We can do this!
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“Brad Robinson is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and an expert in infidelity recovery in Tulsa, OK. Together with his wife Morgan Robinson they teach people about how to understand and overcome infidelity and how to make their marriage thrive even after betrayal. You can learn more about their work by visiting www.familyandlifesolutions.com”
