Most affairs aren't the result of bad morals, but bad boundaries with members of the opposite sex. The affair is a result of putting yourself in a compromising situation.
- Maintain appropriate walls and windows. Keep the communication open with your spouse. Talk about what you want and need even if it brings up conflict. Conflict avoiders are usually the ones who end up cheating because they don't know how to ask for what they want or need.
- Recognize that work can be a danger zone. Don't lunch or take coffee breaks with the same person all the time. When you travel with a coworker, meet in public rooms, not in a room with a bed. Most affairs start because the betraying spouse has very bad boundaries with members of the opposite sex.
- Avoid emotional intimacy with attractive alternatives to your committed relationship. Resist the desire to rescue an unhappy soul who pours his or her heart out to you.
- Protect your marriage by discussing relationship issues at home. If you do need to talk to someone else about your marriage, be sure that person is a friend of the marriage. If the friend disparages marriage, respond with something positive about your own relationship. Two lonely people talking about their marriage difficulties together can spark an affair. Don't cross that boundary.
- Keep old flames from reigniting. If a former lover is coming to the class reunion, invite your partner to come along. If you value your marriage, think twice about having lunch with an old flame or communicating with them on Facebook.
- Don't go over the line when you're on-line with Internet friends. Discuss your on-line friendships with your partner and show him or her your e-mail if he or she is interested. Invite your partner to join in your correspondence so your internet friend won't get any wrong ideas. Don't exchange sexual fantasies on-line.
- Make sure your social network is supportive of your marriage. Surround yourself with friends who are happily married and who don't believe in fooling around.
- Remember marriage counseling can help you avoid divorcing and help you rebuild your marriage.
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“Brad Robinson is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and an expert in infidelity recovery in Tulsa, OK. Together with his wife Morgan Robinson they teach people about how to understand and overcome infidelity and how to make their marriage thrive even after betrayal. You can learn more about their work by visiting www.familyandlifesolutions.com”
