Successful couples turn towards each other instead of away.
Real life romance is fueled by a far more humdrum approach to staying connected. It is kept alive each time you let your spouse know he or she is valued during the grind of everyday life.
Romance actually grows when a couple is in the supermarket and the wife says, "Are we out of bleach?" and the husband says, "I don't know. Let me get some just in case," instead of shrugging apathetically.
It grows when you know your spouse is having a bad day at work and your take a minute out of your day to leave words of encourage on her voicemail.
It grows when your wife tells you one morning, "I had the worst nightmare last night," and you say, "I'm in a big hurry, but tell me about it now so we can talk about it tonight," instead of "I don't have time."
In all of these instances husband and wife are making a choice to turn toward each other rather than away. In marriage people periodically make what is called "bids" for their partner's attention, affection, humor, or support. People either turn toward one another after these bids or they turn away.
Turning toward is the basis of emotional connection, romance, passion, and a good sex life. Couples who turn toward each other remain emotionally engaged and stay married. Those that don't eventually lose their way.
Couples who characteristically turn toward each other rather than away are putting money in the bank. They are building up emotional savings that can serve as a cushion when times get rough, when they're faced with a major life stress or conflict.
Because they have stored up all of this goodwill, they are better able to make allowances for each other when a conflict arises. They can maintain a positive sense of each other and their marriage even during bad times. Turning towards your spouse in the little ways is also the key to long-lasting romance.
Many people think that the secret to reconnecting with their partner is a candlelit dinner or a by-the-sea vacation. But the real secret is to turn towards each other in little ways every day. A romantic night out really turns up the heat only when a couple has kept the pilot light burning by staying in touch in the little ways.
Marriage counseling can help you reconnect!
